An Inheritance of Openness

The Benefits of Financial Transparency

My grandmother died last weekend at 93, and I spent the week in Alabama reminiscing and celebrating her life.

She had a 72 year marriage, 4 children, 10 grandchildren, and 15 great-grandchildren. She relished travel and took us with her on grand adventures, fomenting a love of learning about other people and places. She had a strong Christian faith, a rich Southern accent, and an enduring sweet tooth.

I’m honored to carry her name.

She was a role model in many ways, and I have long appreciated the way she and my grandfather managed their wealth: with generosity and also with candor.

This is apparently uncommon. The Great Wealth Transfer has begun, with $84 trillion expected to be transferred to heirs by 2045. Yet despite the large, often life-changing sums involved, most aging Americans are reluctant to discuss money with their adult children.

Fidelity’s 2025 Family & Finance Study reveals concerning statistics:

• 70% of parents say they have created a will and estate plan they feel confident about.

• 68% of parents haven’t told their children what, if anything, they’ll inherit.

  • 52% of parents haven’t discussed their net worth with their children.

  • 35% of parents don’t want their kids to know how much they’ll inherit.

• 43% of adult children expect to become caretakers - but only 12% of parents expect them to.

• Only 25% of parents plan to leave their entire net worth to their children.

• 20% of parents plan to distribute their estate unequally among their children or are undecided.

  • Only 28% of these have discussed their unequal plans with their children.

Blindsiding Your Heirs

I had several older clients with over $20 million whose kids had no idea their parents are wealthy. They lived frugally, and their adult children lived normal middle to upper middle class lives (the money generally came from the investment of business sale proceeds decades prior or aggressive savings rates).

Those “kids” are going to get an enormous surprise windfall one day and have no idea what to do with it. Worse, major life decisions like where to live, what career to pursue, what opportunities to offer their own kids, and how much to save were made without any hint that they may be unnecessarily sacrificing.

On the flip side I had some clients - including a couple of household names - who spent lavishly and enjoyed their money (as they should) whose net worths are a fraction of what Google indicates and what their kids would assume. Others decided to give a majority of their estate to charity or to their grandchildren, bypassing children they deemed sufficiently comfortable.

Without discussion, those adult children will be in for a rude awakening. Keeping estate plans a secret can cause unnecessary worry (about your parents’ finances or your own), intrafamily resentment, and even lawsuits. This is especially true if wills are changed later in life, if there are second or third marriages, or if bequests are unequal.

Knowledge is Power

All parents worry about the balance between helping and spoiling their children. There is no magic formula, and I’m not arguing that your minor child needs to know your exact net worth.

But they might benefit from knowing whether or not you’ve got a college fund set up for them. And how much your utilities and vacations cost. And even how much you and the other adults they encounter actually earn (and how long it took to reach that salary).

These disclosures can arm naive teens with valuable information as they decide how hard to try for scholarships, where and what to study, and where to put down roots. Too many college graduates are surprised by their earning power and what various lifestyles cost only after investing years and tens of thousands of dollars in a degree.

In midlife, it would be helpful for adult children to know whether you plan to Die with Zero or pass down millions. It can impact planned retirement dates, whether they splurge on private school or other enrichment for their own kids, and whether they can afford to leave a career or marriage that has run its course.

Cause or Effect

I’m always surprised when wealthy parents who worked themselves to the bone and saved aggressively to escape hard circumstances want to foist those same struggles onto their children. They worked hard and have good character: ergo their children must need to work hard or else they won’t have good character.

I think nature more to do with those outcomes than nurture. Most people become free spirited artists, serial entrepreneurs, or corporate workaholics regardless of whether their parents paid for college or provided a down payment for a home. There are savers and spenders in every group of trust fund beneficiaries, just as there are in every poor family.

And why is it a bad thing if your child chooses to be a stay at home parent, musician, or philanthropist instead of striving for decades to accumulate millions? Is frugality really a virtue if it’s not required? Isn’t the whole point of building wealth that your kids have options you didn’t?

A Plea for Transparency

Your kids aren’t dumb. They can Google how much your house is worth and what average salaries are in your area. They will guess how much you’re spending, how much social security or pension you may be receiving, and whether you’re likely to need nursing care.

They are going to make assumptions one way or another. You may as well help them plan and prepare more effectively by sharing real numbers. This is true whether or not there will be much to inherit.

Giving information and smaller monetary gifts sooner can be beneficial in many ways. It will show you how they react and enable them to build financial skills gradually. If they don’t handle it well you have time to engage outside support, shelter the money in trust, or change your plans.

My Family Legacy

I’m so grateful my family has always been open about money. All four grandparents, both parents, my siblings and many cousins have shared income and net worth milestones throughout my life. It’s been a valuable education to have family money discussions, share tax and planning tips, and see our elders’ wishes evolve in real time. It’s also helped prevent scams and recognize when cognitive decline inevitably begins.

I went with my mom to drop my grandmother’s will and trust documents to the estate attorney. She and her siblings had copies and knew where the originals were. They knew the investment firms, CPA and law firm to call. We all know how much they have left and that their four kids will inherit it equally. There is nothing to appraise or dispute; my grandfather has been simplifying their balance sheet for years, even liquidating most of their personal property.

This is just one more step in their estate plan. They have transferred most of their wealth in large occasional chunks and small annual gifts over the last 30 years. They padded their kids’ portfolios in mid life when the money was most needed, facilitating amicable divorces and early retirements. They sent their grandkids to college debt free, giving us all a huge head start in life.

They enjoyed watching us benefit from their wealth while they were still living: buying homes, starting businesses, investing, and giving in turn. Beyond money, they passed down wisdom, advice, investment strategies, and financial contacts. And they showed us how to enjoy spending some of it.

Their remaining bequests are not life-changing, so nobody at the funeral was guiltily excited to finally receive a huge inheritance. And none of us were left in the dark gossiping about the possibilities like we are characters in a movie, waiting for a dramatic reading of the will.

I’m forever grateful for their legacy.