No, you don't have to retire "to" something.
It's OK to not have a purpose.
I don’t have a purpose. I don’t even have the classic-temporary-default purpose otherwise known as progeny. At my potential peril (if the leading retirement advice is to be believed) I still chose to retire two years ago.
I’m happy to report that I did not, in fact, spiral into a meaningless vortex of depression and anxiety (so far - fingers crossed!).
It’s actually been pretty fantastic. In fact, I dare to suggest that NOT having a preconceived purpose might be beneficial when navigating the major life transition that is abandoning your long-suffered career / identity / income.
It turns out there are other things to do besides pursue your proverbial purpose:
Relax.
Seriously, you need space to rest first and foremost. I’ve talked to hundreds of retirees, and many were shocked by how much more sleep they suddenly needed. If you’ve spent decades in go-mode for most of each day, especially in a stimulating office (or virtual) environment, your nervous system needs repair.
My favorite restorative activity (as endorsed by my Oura ring) is to lie outside engrossed in a book for the entirety of a weekday afternoon. Let your calendar be empty and embrace time affluence.
Exercise.
If you’ve spent the better part of your prime years hunched over a computer, you could probably use some physical conditioning. The good news is you have time to workout every day. Plus! You can linger to stretch, hit the sauna, and maybe even bike home afterwards. Then there’s the inevitable obsession with finally improving your golf / pickleball / tennis game.
Long walks are a great way to get around: I love to multitask errands, podcasts, and getting my steps in. Moving at the natural pace of your body (versus careening across five lanes of traffic at 75 mph) slows down your perception of time. Exercise in various forms can easily occupy at least half of any given day in retirement.
(Re)build relationships.
Visit your parents; reconnect with your kids. If you’re married, you’re going to need to build a whole new relationship with your partner - or, like me, navigate a divorce. You’ve likely neglected friendships, and you may find yourself craving new connections with different types of people. If you’re single, you might wade into the dating pool. Family and community building can keep you as busy as you want to be.
Play.
Brush off those art supplies, and pull the guitar out of the basement. Wrestle your dog, chase your cats, feed the squirrels. Teach your grandkids how to play cards; join an improv group; start a band. Play dress up, work through a new cookbook - whatever gets your creative juices flowing and turns off the analytic part of your brain.
Experiment.
If you have any time left after all that deep sleep, exercise, leisure and socializing - follow your curiosity. Go on the retreat; sign up for the course. Just say yes to anything that piques your interest. Volunteer with different organizations. Change up your image, and hang out in a new section of the book store or internet. You might be surprised by what resonates.
I haven’t even gotten around to my list of DIY projects yet (apparently that’s not going to be my thing). Nor have I had the chance to slow travel, adopt more pets, experiment with sobriety or veganism (not high on my list, but I’m monitoring the signals), live in the woods, write a book, learn options trading, master Spanish, or make this Substack go viral.
But I have made some lovely new friends, discovered the benefits of acupuncture and sound baths, spoken at a financial conference, and become deeply concerned about animal welfare and two other causes I previously hadn’t given much thought to. My personal style, charitable giving, and chronotype have shifted noticeably.
Living Without Purpose
By definition, having a purpose is goal-oriented. It’s an overarching mission that gives your life direction and meaning; even if you can never fully achieve it, it serves as a roadmap for making decisions and prioritizing your time.
I thought finding my purpose would be a big preoccupation in retirement, but I’ve been surprisingly content without one so far. It was actually a lot more stressful when I was throwing myself into pursuing religion (the cognitive dissonance and existential pressure were borderline traumatic), a family (find a husband! be a good wife! make it work no matter what you have to swallow!), and a career (drink the Koolaid, play the games, build the network, always be available - usually while staring at a screen under fluorescent lights).
Oh and also, since you’re a woman, make sure you look really hot while doing all of the above - or, you know, your husband will leave you anyway - but also don’t be too hot or they won’t take you seriously at work. Why aren’t you smiling???
Maybe there is a gender element to this. It makes sense that men would worry more about purpose in retirement when “provider” has been their primary assigned role in society. Even women with long careers aren’t as likely to base their value solely on their title or paycheck (see above, being hot / wives / mothers).
I’ve had enough of all that goal-orienting to last me a good long while. It either worked (I built wealth and retired - major yay!) or it didn’t (I’m single and childfree - also pretty yay!), and I’m currently relishing a lack of aims. I do have lots of values though, and I now have plenty of time and space to explore them.
When you do different things in different places with different people, you become a different person. This is always true, but changes can happen quickly and unexpectedly after a major life transition.
So even if you think you already have a purpose, be open to what new interests and passions may unfold in retirement. You may just discover a new one.
I help people get organized and use wealth to design a life that feels secure and aligned. A former Wall Street banker and CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™, I act as an unbiased advocate without selling products or managing investments. To learn more, visit my website.
DISCLAIMER: I love writing about the personal, emotional, and practical sides of money, but please remember that my Substack is strictly for educational and coaching purposes. The insights shared here are general in nature and do not constitute specific investment, tax, or legal advice. While I am a CFP® certificant, reading this does not create an official advisory relationship, and any comments or likes should not be interpreted as client testimonials. For personalized investment advice, please consult a registered financial professional.
The whole 'retire TO something' industry is a cottage industry in disguise — it just repackages the old performance anxiety in a new costume. You swapped a commute for a purpose quest, and somehow that's still not enough. At 67, I'm beginning to suspect the days you just exist without producing anything aren't wasted. They might actually be the point. More reflections on what retirement really looks like at theoldgreythinker.substack.com.
That point about car travel is spot on. When I left my heavy commute life in Los Angeles, it was like rediscovering my own human pace.
Some of that purpose stuff is about filling that vacuum created when you leave an all-consuming job. Trying to fill that void with another all-consuming thing misses the point a bit. We aren’t just one thing as children, we are encouraged to try different things and see what resonates. Maybe we get to be like that again.